Category Archives: Uncategorized

To Know & Love Your Grandma

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Keert and Grandma Hale putting a puzzle together

Growing up in a rural community near a small ranching and farming town, I would know all of my grandparents and they would be an extension of my parents. During busy high school sport seasons, I would live during the week with Dad’s parents.

Too many birthday’s to count would be spent at Mom’s Moms house. All the cousins would gather when they came from out of town for a visit. We would have huge dinners, celebrations of Christmas and whenever my parents had an evening event, we would stay with Grandma Hale (or at her house when we were mostly old enough.)

She would accompany me to Little Britches rodeos with our big camper and trailer. She would cheer me on while completing a crossword. We lived on her ranch, that of her Mothers. She would help with branding dinners, chicken plucking, gardening and canning.

She was cool, practical, wise, funny. I respected her. I trusted her. I loved her very much.

This evening Grandma Hale left us on this Earth. Her two daughters, a son-in-law, a grandson, and a great granddaughter would be beside her as they said goodbye.

Selfishly we are so grateful to have seen her just two weeks prior. To have shared in stories about the past, issues of the day over steak and fajita dinners. To engage in learning about the new Kindle Fire and debates about whether anyone in the family had been cremated, not knowing the decision would be faced so soon. To have laughed together one last time.

I realize now how truly wonderful it is to have had such an example from my Grandma. That at 96 she would outlive my Mother and would contribute to the better part of my life.

Her obituary is here.

Mom’s Mom

imageMy Mom’s Mom, Wilma Lorraine Gwendolyn Waddill Hale is dying. She has decided everything in her life, except the many losses. She would become a widow in her 20’s with three young girls to raise on her Mom’s ranch. Not her decision to leave business school with her new husband that the ranch would take from her so soon. She would lose her Mom and her daughter, my Mom, both to surgical complication. She would not remarry. She would take a business job in town, raise her girls well and become a fixture in her community that included bridge club, Eastern Star and Legion Club dances. She might be sad, but never bitter. She would empower, encourage and challenge all of her grandchildren.

We just celebrated her birthday in Montana with pre-dinner piano playing (by her), prime rib and angel food cake.

The next day she would fall in the bathroom. This her second fall in a week. She would command to her youngest, “this is enough… I don’t want to fight this.” With all of the Irish stubbornness saved for the last hours, she awoke this morning to greet my Aunt, “what now?”

She now faces death, the afterlife, with almost demanding demeanor, wishing for her own end of life at 96.

It is possible she fears being unable to be the independent, determined woman she has been for 35,049 days. To even imagine that someone would need to take care of her, push her around in a chair, is likely unfathomable. Maybe it isn’t fear at all but the decision to just bypass that phase of dependence.

I am confused by this expectation and determination. Is it possible to be done even if the body has time left? I cannot truly know or imagine what she may be feeling at this time.

Practicality under all circumstances would be her greatest example for me. Also, how do you know if you haven’t experienced it or tried it? This way of living was the antithesis of drama – it had no place and rarely had energy (for long.) She carried on her Mom’s strength of principle and would instill this in my Mom and she in me. A second-generation Irish ranch woman in Nebraska with a business degree from Colorado born on Flag Day in 1918.

There are so many fond memories of my Mom’s Mom but the most recent and most defining is her sitting with my husband taking notes as he helped her with her new Kindle Fire. Explaining ever so carefully how the ‘touch’ worked and differed from her first Kindle. All with her new red nails, her first ever manicure.

Gram I’m sorry you fell. That you feel tired. I admire your strength and determination. I want you to know we will miss you when you are not physically with us, whenever that will  be.

Jon

imageEven before the garage sale opened last weekend, Joe emailed me about the Minn Kota trolling motor. His mother lives in a nearby Seattle suburb and could pay for and pick it up. Contingent upon promise to refund, receipt of sale and horsepower. From the picture he knew he was getting a great Craigslist deal. And he was.

This motor was a ’bargain cave’ deal during what was hoped to be an annual couples trip to KC. My husband knew that we would be getting a hand-me-down, patched Jon boat from the ranch. It was the proudest of purchases amidst the normal shopping, eating and drinking weekend.

Jon became our ‘portal’ to Summer. Just a short walk down the hill from our house, we would tote our poles, bait, hounds and cooler and end the evening or begin the weekend on Thomas Lake. Sometimes we didn’t fish, we would just troll. Almost every trip, we would circle the lake only to find Bandoo the cat awaiting a pick up. She would happily nestle on a bench or on the floor, Leela the GSD would assume her position on the bow, Mowgli cautiously would glue himself to the middle bench with me. The trolling lulled us all.

Our ‘master angler’ neighbor Bruce created a ‘pad’ for Jon with a winch to pull him out of the water and keep him ‘safe’. Another part of this peace-creating process. The boat held us all and for most of one Summer, it also housed a Garter snake. (In a future post I’ll share my husband’s grade school story about the King Cobra on his playground…) How convenient that the one inch drain plug was ground level into a enclosed ‘home’ (which also serves as a seat for the operator of the motor.) “What should we do? How do we get it out?”

“We don’t.”

So for the duration of our trolls, just below the motor arm, the head with the little red tongue would ‘check in’ about the status.

Amidst all of this, being on the water shifted our minds to ‘off’. We all were peaceful, centering and connecting. It was a time to just be. We could not be more thankful for the hand-me-down, the bargain purchase and the stories resulting from this special life on our Iowa acreage.

Joe emailed me the day after our sale to say the motor works great. I trust he will create similar memories on Jon with the power of Minn Kota. 

Women and Weight

Not what the scale reads when you step on.imageWhat a dumbbell or barbell is.  Weight that you lift. Weight that causes your muscles to work. To counter the depreciating effects of many of our sedentary lifestyles in front of a computer, at a desk or even traveling with plane time, heavy meals, alcoholic beverages and all of that whittling away any time to ‘exercise’.

While I have not lifted every month of my life and there may even be a few years when I did not pick up a weight, weight lifting has been a ‘comfortable’ (relatively) part of my experiences. I have been kinesthetic my entire life with exercise as a central part of my personal goals. Nothing has given me the results that weight lifting has. I can feel the results immediately and they continue as I advance a program.

Likely as I just had a birthday and am on the forever journey of being more mindful, I began to wonder about this – women and weight lifting.

I was exposed to weight lifting in high school on the girls track team. Belonging to a gym was also an emerging trend when I was in college and as a new undergraduate working professional I belonged to a gym (thanks to my disregard for credit card debt.) A free assessment and ‘program’ was part of your membership. It was assumed you would be lifting at the gym.

This noted, my experience has consistently demonstrated that men at gyms lifting weights outnumbers women by about 4 or 5 to 1. Are girls and women not exposed to weight lifting at an early age any longer? Are they therefore insecure about pumping iron with men around? Have misconceptions about body building scared women away (including some of the hyped up media related to CrossFit’s growth in recent years?)

Maybe we need to re-evaluate high school programs. Even one sport or one part of a year through PE would introduce weight lifting to girls so they could gain awareness and confidence. So they could experience the results early in life.

My current program is one I have completed before: The New Rules of Lifting for Women. This is a great program with key insights about the mis-conceptions, diet and results-based focus that each woman can individualize.  It helps that my husband is also doing The New Rules of Lifting (men’s version) and having a workout partner (even if all you do is go to the gym together) is significant to long-term commitment.

I also recommend CrossFit (by a reputable box!) and any bootcamp that includes weights (not just a few dumbbell curls but total body resistance training that increases over time.)

Talk to the young girls you know. Ask if they have ever lifted weights before. Invite them to join you at the gym sometime. Try Lou and Alan’s approach and put a great pair of headphones in and ignore the testosterone wandering about. Your workout will help theirs and vice versa. 

No Longer Sad

imagePeace is yours Michelle. The sadness is over.

We know you battled the invasion of cancer, the treatment and the effects of that treatment that would eventually take you from us. You didn’t do anything without conviction and strength. Your Mom has been what you needed when you needed it. Now we wish her strength through decisions left unmade and a family members who are heart-broken, confused and lonely. Guess we know where you got your strength.

(Photo: Mothdevil Morgefile.com)

Michelle from the Rockies

Close your eyes

And relax

Think of nothing tonight

It’s June. As I breath in the cool Cascade Range air, I hold the lead and watch my filly eat ‘other side’ grass. I continue to think about Michelle. She couldn’t like horses even if she wanted to and she really sold it that she didn’t want to. When I wasn’t getting Rusty’s allergy-laden dander under my nails, I was ‘helping’ her clean our house, fold clothes, and prep food for the hay crew. Cleaning to the Jesus Christ Superstar LP always felt fun. It was energizing and made it a bit wild, like we were breaking the rules. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to listen. I don’t recall. Mom was in town and I already knew all the words to ‘Light of a Clear Blue Morning’ and my new cassette likely needed a break. Seems we all liked music. Country, rock, gospel, bluegrass, and folk were on the polished shelf. Serious rules were associated with the new combo record/8track/radio system. It was housed on the nicest piece of furniture in our living room. Michelle could select songs on an LP just exactly the ones she wanted to play. I could just let it play. This player didn’t ‘eat’ the tapes at first. We played and played and played those tapes. Certainly beyond what any engineer planned. ‘Put your hand in the hand’ was played so we could sing and re-sing.

Standing in the washroom looking North at the ‘big hill’, I vividly recall with mirroring courage and conviction of voice, that had I been able to go, I certainly would not have had to deal with the thunderstorm mess. It is safe to assume that Michelle wished for this more than my wish and not because of the storm. Begging and pleading fails, I was not able to join my parents to see Elvis. Even though they had already seen him so many times. Our days in Vegas only created more connection for them to this iconic being. Now he was coming to Rapid. So close to me. Our shopping town even.

June always delivered record-breaking storms. Mom feared the gully-washers. I never wondered about the meaning but Clint and I used to play in those washed out sand gullies for hours. Inches of rain would deliver sand that would completely cover our yard, seep into our storage cellar and sometimes the old crappy washroom. This was one of those times. The big hill, at least 6x taller than our house, seemed to embrace us. To protect us from winds. Then it would quickly undo weeks of manicured work, with it’s finer-than-beach sand.

Michelle’s Mom, her Sister and her Brother would come to visit all of us. They were our family from Denver. Dad is her Mom’s brother. They loved to climb that big hill. Well, they didn’t love climbing it but loved the view from the top. We would always ‘wow’ the view as if it were the first time we had seen it. In the evening we would race until our hearts hurt, trying to beat the sunset. Her siblings also liked the horses, not pretending. They went on trail rides with Dad. I didn’t go so they could ride Rusty, my most trusty steed. Even though their eyes would puff up and sneezing would ensue they were supremely happy with their moments of being a cowboy and cowgirl. It was nice to share in all of this. The horses, the hill, the music.

Michelle was one of many girls my Mom would hire during the Summer to help out on the ranch. They would be there to learn and to earn money. To focus. To cook three meals per day for a large crew of working men (most were boys, Mom always called them ‘men’) including desserts from scratch, garden vegetables and fried chicken. It is surreal to recall freshly killed chickens would be just-in-time for dinner. I am confident that while she would help pluck feathers, Michelle refused to eat chicken on those days.

After the Summer of ‘77, miles would then separate us from her. She would return to the city life. Our lives would continue on with memory making like what today’s cool crisp air would help me revisit. Michelle likely knew that while she was ‘sent to Billie’s’, she was also an influence of courage, joy and conviction.

We would learn that from an accident, she would face death’s door at least one other time before now. It would not be her time. Her time is soon. Aunt Arlene is with her. ‘Helping’ her. Tom is there. Uncle Clyde and Uncle Jerry would hold her hand today and receive a hello. And they would silently say good-bye. Hospice shares that the hallucinations are normal. They connect to memories and hopes previously expressed. This gives a relative sense of peace. Michelle said last night that she is really sad. This breaks the present care-giver’s healthy heart.

Certainly those that have gone before her are going to be. Grandma. Grandad. Mom. Elvis. It’s another June. In the North, the Cascades and your Rockies connect. The music will be playing Michelle and you can be free. Not sad.

Sleep and I shall soothe you

Calm you and anoint you

Myrrh for your hot forehead

oh Then you’ll feel

Everything’s all right

Yes everything’s fine

And it’s cool and the ointment’s sweet

For the fire in your head and feet

Close your eyes

Close your eyes

And relax

Think of nothing tonight

[Everything’s All Right, Jesus Christ Superstar]

Put your hand in the hand of the man

Who stilled the water

Put your hand in the hand of the man

Who calmed the sea

Take a look at yourself

And you can look at others differently

Put your hand in the hand of the man

From Galilee  [Man from Galilee, Elvis]

Wonderful Whistler

For my birthday this year, Keerat took me on a skiing weekend to Whistler, British Columbia. It had been over 20 years since I had been on skis and never for Keerat. We had a tech free weekend and one of our top 5 best weekends ever together.

2012 – Reflection & Rebuilding

  • Jan     Perspective – the courage of friend who beat cancer
  • Feb     Public Transport – gas prices climb to national highs
  • Mar     Mother Nature – Arabian Sea rip currents, Goa, India
  • Apr     Memories – RIP Bandoo the cat & Missy the horse
  • Apr     Old Dogs, New Tricks – complete Thunderbird MBA
  • May    Partnership – launch Lead The Difference with fellow T’bird
  • Jun     Family – Bikram, Grandma Hale, Northey’s, Ostrander’s, Lefler’s
  • Jun     Mother Earth – Yellowstone, Teton’s, Black Hills
  • Jul      Family -CK & Uppi visit from Bengaluru
  • Jul      Time – Local Not-for-profit leadership
  • Aug    Global Mindset – Zaid, Iraqi exchange student
  • Sept    Health – CrossFit, TRX, BootCamp…Boxing wins the focus
  • Oct     Equine Energy – Dhann turns 1, Mr. Lewis learns to canter
  • Nov    Purpose – Privacy in Ads, Amazon (my sugardaddy!)
  • Dec    Acceptance – it rains here, get a hoodie!